(((((Hangingon)))))

I know you're feeling disconnected with your t right now. It's so hard! It's also hard when we realize we need something from t, and we ask for it, and then don't get it. That has happened to me several times when i told my t (in emails) how much i needed her to hug me. . .yet when i broke down in session -- even crying so hard i could barely breathe -- she never did it. It was such a huge step of courage for me to tell her what i needed -- and then to go without what i needed when i most needed it, it crushed me. i really almost left therapy over it. So I understand how it must have hurt when you asked your t to leave you a message and she didn't. It's a painful, painful realization that our t's can't always give us what we need when we need it. For me, it was a reminder of all the times as a child when i needed support and comfort and didn't get it. I've had to really, really remind myself of all the other things my t has done to support me.

There's a statement in child development books about the "good enough mother." It explains that the good enough mother is supportive and responsive most of the time. Because she is usually in tune and responsive with her child, that child learns to trust in the connection and relationship. . .even when there are times of misattunement. It's sort of that way in our relationship with our t. We let them see the most vulnerable part of us, and we look to them to be supportive and responsive to our needs. But sometimes they fail to be there when we need them. And that's we need to remind ourselves of all the other ways they have been there for us. Hopefully, the t has built up a record of being empathetic, interested, and responsive. If so, we can weather those times of disconnection because they have become like the "good enough mother."