Quote:
Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix
Michah,
I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write to me and explain your background. I found it most interesting and intriguing and can definitely understand the conflict that you experienced throughout the years.
I am a member of the Episcopal Church. I was raised an Episcopalian. When I left my parents' home, I did not attend church but did go to a Methodist sponsored university. There, we were not required to attend chapel or study theology. But the campus minister was a dear friend of mine who has since passed away. But, I once told him, you could see the influence of Christian values everywhere on the campus, from the way the student life was designed to the way the teachers cared for the students.
Later in my life, I grew closer to God, oddly enough, when my mental illness became worse. I was misdiagnosed for years and did not receive proper treatment for years and spent many, many bad times alone, on the verge of suicide, and the only thing I can attribute to my salvation was a voice inside of me that kept telling me that life was not supposed to be this hard and to keep hanging on one more day. Sometime later, I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol and took myself to AA and it was in working that program that my faith grew very, very strong.
Currently, some twenty or so years later, I am married to an Englishman who attended Anglican schools in the UK. I was not aware of the questioning he had going on inside of him because he had always told me that he was agnostic. It was only in the last 1 1/2 years that he told me a story of his conversations with the vicor at his school and the confusion he felt upon leaving. He was raised a Methodist in the UK, which is nothing like our Methodist church here. Anyway, long story short, the Episcopal church here (I'm sure you know) is the only church in the US sanctioned by the Church of England and recognized by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Around a year ago, my husband announced one day, out of the clear blue, that he decided that he does believe in God and he wanted to start going to church and it needed to be the Episcopal church. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather!
The reason, dear Michah, that I have written all of this is to tell you that in our small parish (350 or so members) we have many former Catholics who, for one reason or another, have converted to our congregation. We even have two Catholic priests, one who the bishop has agreed to allow to become an Episcopal priest, and one who has petitioned the bishop but has been refused for the time being. The odd thing is, my husband has completely become absorbed into this parish and is enjoying it immensely. I, on the other hand, am involved in a ministry of service work involving the mentally ill in our community.
I do enjoy going to worship service but still, my faith does not depend upon it. It is very personal. And I depend upon it implicitly daily. I also have an acquaintance who was a former nun who left the order to marry and have a family. We've talked and she gave me a glimpse of the struggle she experienced.
Thank you again, so much, for sharing with me. 
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Vicki,
Thank you for sharing that.......it gave me much to think about.......I like to hear of others faith in a calm and heartfelt manner......
I still claim my Roman Catholicism because of my long standing history of the Church and have never thought of converting.......as you said that everyone is different and it is a very personal thing, faith. However, due to my curious mind, I have studied Paganism, Islam, Buddhism and follow quite closely Taoism(which is more a philosophy than a religion). Taoism is a wonderful and resonant philosophy and is the basis for some quantum theory to satiate my scientific mind. I have found many consistencies throughout each religion.......despite our differences, we are all pretty much one in the same........for we are all human and the Human condition is universal........just my understanding.....my personal view.
Do I digress? Sorry........all over the place
I am so glad that you have found much joy in your faith as does your husband........it is so warming to see the unquestionable faith in you.......gives me hope.....
So, I still swing back and forth with dogma, but never question my odd relationship with God.......it is how it is, and will be the way it is meant to.......I am loved and I love.......but still conflict.......I wonder if it is more my intellect, my inability to have unconditional faith, for I believe in free will and that God is not responsible for my failings or my trauma or my joy.......He is beside me to teach me to love......despite it all. It is the relinquishing of the heart that troubles me so........and the intellect gets in the way......
But as the Father said, Think from the heart........funny how this has risen up all these years later, and I am still battling the same conflicts as in high school.......and unless I recieve it in all its glory, the same conflicts will keep rising up........as I try and approach most things with a degree of spiritual maturity, I shall approach this the same........and ACCEPT.....and love more that I ever thought I could......I have found that the more I try and run away from God, the stronger He becomes in pulling me back......the more of life expreince keeps pushing God in front of me.......strangely, over my life, I could be standing in a full room of people and at the end of the time, the priests and I have gravitated towards each other and we are arguing in the corner about philosophy!
They are as attracted to me as I am to them! Weird......
Sorry babe........rambling on.......I am more thinking out loud, for resolution to a degree, is called for so that my mind can have periods of rest. Thanks for indulging me
and I wish you much peace on your journey.......you sound very inspired......I like it
Big hugs
Michah