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VickiesPath · Aug 31, 2009, 07:29 PM

Hi Patrick and welcome to PC!

You have identified something within yourself that is troublesome. You have also identified that although your life is generally OK at the moment, the perfectionism causes worry and stress. You said you feel your expectations are high. It seems to me, IMHO, that all you need to do is figure out the flaw in this equation and come up with a better one.

Perfectionism is like a cancer that grows and eats up everything in its path. Nothing can last long around it. By definition it doesn't belong in a human environment. You've heard that there is no such thing as a straight line. Theoretically, there should be. But in reality, there is not. Theroretically, perfection should exist. In reality, it does not.

I hardly ever watch TV. I never watch TV news. I do not ever read a newspaper. I read CNN.com in the mornings to find out what occurred in the world overnight. I look to see how blazingly hot it will be in Phoenix today. Then I log on to this website and talk to real people with real lives and who offer real caring.

Then my husband comes home from work and we chat about things that matter to him and matter to me. Nothing in the world is more important to me than spending those few minutes with the one I love.

Patrick, I am speaking of that which I know. I have struggled much throughout my life, trying to recover from a dysfunctional family which included a perfectionistic mother. I could never please her. I spent most of my life knowing deep in my heart that I would never be enough. I would not wish that misery on anyone.

Having said all of this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting goals for yourself. But that is not the same as striving to be perfect. Goals are what keep us on target toward something we want to achieve. But in setting them, they must be attainable.

Don't waste another minute on perfectionism. Begin anew and first, value yourself for being just yourself. Then start from there and think hard about what's important. And don't forget to play.