Apparently I cause MUCH confusion concerning my views and experience with DID so I wish to explain this, to the best of my ability, now.

First... I was in fact diagnosed with DID in 2003, I do not say I think I have it, I do not claim to have it when I am unsure, I was diagnosed and that's all there is to it on that part...

Second... Until 2 days ago I blacked out every time they came out. For the last three weeks the Eriks and I have been working together trying to get them so come out and I still be conscious (this is why we are in private chats most of the time). Until 2 nights ago, we made progress but no success...

I am aware that the blackouts will probably continue and that I should expect them to, and I do. But the fact that I could remember was important to me, even if I go back to the blackouts, at least I know that there is hope for me getting past them.

Third... I do NOT want to "get rid" of my "alters" I do not wish for them to leave, they helped me and continue to help me on a daily basis and I view this body as much theirs as it is mine.

Fourth... I will not get into detail but I do not believe that "alters" are parts of yourself.

Fifth... I do not want to take medication because I do not want the medication to slow my progress. I have been told many times that it will not, but I do not trust it. When you have taken 32 pills a day and are a walking zombie for a year, you will understand why.

Sixth... The only thing that I wish for the medication to help me with, if it can at all, is to get past the blackouts, to get rid of these aweful headaches and help me to be less confused.

Seventh... I am looking forward to seeing a therapist because she is willing to help me with the progress I have made. She is willing to help me bring them in the open and help me to remember when they do come out.

I probably haven't cleared everything up still, but this is a start. I understand the way I word things can be rather confusing, and sometimes they come out the wrong way so I am trying to explain them here. I have no problem answering questions if they are asked kindly. I do not wish to debate my DID and I do not wish to debate anything else regarding this matter with anyone since I know that I do have DID and I will have my proof for my future doctors, that's really all that matters to me.

I hope all is well and I hope that this thread has not come off as offensively in any way since I do not mean it as offensive.

Kris