for me, not knowing how someone will respond has always been so much worse than knowing they will respond poorly. if i know they aren't going to cope with my disclosure, then i can pack up shop and find someone else - but if i dont know...? it almost feels like i can't trust them with the basics.

as much as it sucks, i've always told every T i've seen about the SI in the first session (apart from my school counsellor, but i was a kid then so there weren't rules re: privacy). it is mainly for my benefit - i don't want to work with a T who is going to freak out about it, or who doesn't accept clients who have ever even thought about it, or whatever. i just need someone who is going to be like "oh? okay" and move on. a few Ts have asked specific questions about it, and i've always said i didnt want to talk about it further - just wanted to make sure they wouldn't lock me up if i mentioned it in the future .

even though it is not something i struggle with on a daily basis anymore, it's still important for me to know. pdoc and old-T were great about it, and respected me not wanting to talk about it in detail and just flag it as an issue. Austin-T got excited about it () because he runs a self injury clinic and was like "WOWOWOWOW I can HELP!!!!". i had to let him down gently that it wasn't a current concern and he did seem very puppy who lost a bone afterwards.