Thanks for all the responses, it makes me feel so much better!

I talked with my T yesterday, she missed a week because of her broken fridge. I thought I was DYING after 12 days without T! She felt really bad that I left thinking she had such a low opinion of my mothering. She actually thinks I am a good mommy. So rupture fixed!

We talked a lot about why I feel like a horrible mommy. She and I talked about things I haven't been able to admit up until now. She thinks we need to keep working on this stuff for a while...YES she is right. But I know that I need to come fully clean with her. I don't know how to say "hey, T! I knew I needed help the day I called you...because I was seriously planning my death!". The breastfeeding stuff all works into the bad mother thing. Long story, but I quit breastfeeding because the hormone release whenever I fed my baby made me think my "plan" was a TERRIFIC idea. I didn't bring it up with her because she breastfed both of her own kids and she was a big shot at the hospital I work for...so I thought she would be angry with me for not thinking breastfeeding is the best thing ever. My T is going to be SO MAD at me for hiding this from her. She'll probably terminate me.

What's weird is my T has never gotten angry with me over anything. So why would I think she would be so upset? Guess that's for the psychotherapy board!