Bruce,
In many ways you are an expert...don't discount what you have learned over the years, please.
Every one of us are experts when it comes to PTSD, no matter it's origination we share the same affects. Lingering doubts and worry that we don't live up to expectations, the feeling of never being good enough.

We are so terribly hard on ourselves, sometimes afraid to be happy--either from feeling we don't deserve it or from the fear it will be taken away from us.
Many of us look back as adults, but when we were going through our traumas...we were children, powerless. We had nothing and no one to shield us. Stumbling along and doing the best we could is about all we had available to us. If our traumas came later, the affects are the same, doubts about our worthiness and wondering if we were at fault.

The memories will shred our insides, and in some ways we can use this to move forward...it also gives us the opportunity to redefine ourselves.
Shedding light on our traumas is downright scary! We are doing the exact opposite of what we were told to do; Keep The Secrets or things will get worse.

Guess what? Things do get worse when we first start allowing ourselves to stop hiding and trust does not feel good, and we are battling two kinds of guilt--that we were to blame somehow and/or guilt we were talking about it.
Jmo, but it took years for us to be demolished and it can take years to rebuild...

Rebuild at our own pace, period. We don't walk in the same shoes, and we sure as hell don't walk in the same recovery.

In Peace