(((((((((((((((((((Multipixies))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. I can see you getting stronger and stronger. When it's time, you will break free and do what is needed to be done.

Throughout my life, I often found myself in abusive situations because I guess my brain didn't know anything different, didn't feel I deserved anything better or just didn't have the strength to fight. I have had situations where I don't even know how I got out of situations; I just kind of "landed" in a different life. So there must be some part of my brain that has the strength needed. I believe inside, you do as well.

It's so hard when it's someone you care about (or at least used to) that is doing the abusing. Or you feel you can't, or don't have the means to, change it.

I know money is an issue and I'm not negating that it's needed, however, there may be ways to get the help you need without waiting. Have you considered a safe house? I know Phil isn't hitting at this time (at least I hope not), but he is being verbally abusive. A safe house would give you a safe place to go and they have the resources for you to start over.

Perhaps you could call the safe house and briefly explain what is going on and see if they have any resources to help you? In my experience, you do have to give them a name when you call, but you don't have to give them your real name.

If not that, can you talk to your T about other avenues to pursue to get out of the situation?

I wish you the best multipixies. Please keep yourself safe.