I have become more and more confused over the last month about my past. I have always been aware of my blackouts. I have always known when I came to that I blacked out for a few hours. Now I'm just completely lost...

A few weeks ago I was reading a post which caused me to start thinking about my past in school... The thing is, I can remember from right before my 4th birthday until now, I remember a LOT about every grade I was in, including friends names and teachers names... I remember exactly what the schools looked like and the classrooms even. I remember a lot about school and day care. But there is one part that I can not remember to save my life. I have been trying to get a peek into that time period but it's as if it was completely erased from my memory.

I can not for the life of me remember anything about the first grade. Not the teacher or anything. The only thing that I know is what my mom kept, things I made and my report cards. On my report cards my grades were all fine, but I had notes from the teacher on all of them saying I talked too much to myself.?????? I don't understand....

My first thought would be the "alters" since I did have DID at that time. But for an entire year? Even if it was for an entire year how could I not register the fact that an entire year vanished on me?

Than yesterday I was talking to an old t. I always thought I saw my old t for 8 months without missing an appointment besides the one when I was in the hospital. When I was talking to the old t yesterday he said I only went for 10 weeks back to back, than vanished for FOUR months, went to the hospital and than went back to him. How could I miss four months? Even the day I went to the hospital I told my mom "I can't wait for my appointment tonight I have to go to the hospital now!" she looked at me strange but I didn't think anything about it...

How is it that I can miss 4 months out of my life and not even know that they are missing? I have no idea what is going on, how I can miss such large chunks of my life...

Does ANYONE have any idea what may be going on? Can anyone help she some light on this very strange situation? It's starting to concern me. I don't want to miss an entire year of watching my daughter grow up.

I keep wondering if my memory is THAT bad where I can't remember large chunks, but could it be that bad when I remember so many details about everything else, all of the other time periods besides these two major details and some summers with my dad?

I'm so confused!

Any help or kind words would be greatly appreciated!