Well i did it. Got a stinking headache right now but that is probably me letting go of the tension in my head all day. Sat down with the counsellor and had a very long chat and frank discussion. Interestingly she was not surprised and i think pleased that i had put this in the open. I think she knew i was holding back and of course she was right. It is somewhat a releif that a battle i have been fighting alone now for the last 20 years on and off is now known to someone else. I know the counsellor and i will be discussing this in far more detail in several sessions to come. Today was about confessing for want of a better word.
We also discussed what had happened over the weekend and tonight i have posted to my friends and "come out" regarding this. My counsellor and i agreed they will either leave me or keep me. It is up to them. As much as i love and forgive them, right now me is my priorty. I need to sort me out. of course i would be in tears if they left but there is sod all i can do about that !
So yes i do feel like i've sold my soul but in a good way. I have shared my stuggle with someone else and someone who can help. And my counsellor said yup you've had depression. That is something. To be beleived in when my friends did not.
So now starts a new chapter in my life. I dunno where it will lead but i think today i made a start. Thanks to everyone for your help and support over the past few days