It sounds like this is a really tough time for you. I'm sorry to hear that. Just realize, though, that things will not always be like this. There's a better job out there somewhere where'd you feel more fulfilled. I know it's hard right now, but just try to put on some music and blast it and sing in the mirror or something like you were a kid again. Do something to break the pattern so that it doesn't get too strong a hold on you. Hope this helps.