I want to thank everyone for the advice and eventually I do plan on telling my parents but I have to way that would make both parties involved feel comfortable and not completely awkward. My problem is I just don't trust them enough to tell what really goes on or even the smallest amount I can give just to talk to them about therapy. They haven't done anything major to hurt my trust its just that we don't talk about anything and I have my guard up and tall and thick walls built up that I don't want people to break. But by going to to therapy I am hoping that I can let those all come down and trust myself to know that it will be okay if I do and learn to trust everyone else to let them in to help because I know there here to help. But the what ifs scare me and run through my head all the time. I just don't know how to tell them and I don't know how to go behind there back well enough and go to therapy by myself. I just want to trust one person enough to really talk with them and really have a deep conversation with feelings and the truth but I don't know how to accomplish that. I know I am still young and I may not understand as much as others but just because I am younger does not mean that what they say still doesn't hurt. To me words hurt more than actually physically doing something. Right and for the past while being around my family is just a useless things right now because its just fighting and general conversation. you ask me if i'm ok and i just lie because i don't have the guts to tell you the truth. Honestly if this keeps going it will be the death of me. I know I have done stupid things in my life thus far by I am sorry and I do want to make my life better and learn how to make myself a better, stronger, and more confident person but I don't think I can be all of those things unless I seek help. But I can't tell all those things to my parents without them being completely and utterly shocked. I can hide things so well and I don't think they really have the slightest clue about what goes through my head.
I am confused, frustrated, angry, depressed, mad at myself all at the same time and I just want things to start changing because I know life can be better than this even though sometimes I don't want to believe it, I will always know in my heart that life can always be better than it is today because no matter the day or time there is always something you can do to improve your day and make yourself happier. All I need to do now is apply that more and learn how to talk to my parents but I have a feeling that could take a little while.
But I want to thank everyone again who took time a wrote a reply.
So much love
Morgan