Quote:
Originally Posted by kris9999
I have become more and more confused over the last month about my past. I have always been aware of my blackouts. I have always known when I came to that I blacked out for a few hours. Now I'm just completely lost...
A few weeks ago I was reading a post which caused me to start thinking about my past in school... The thing is, I can remember from right before my 4th birthday until now, I remember a LOT about every grade I was in, including friends names and teachers names... I remember exactly what the schools looked like and the classrooms even. I remember a lot about school and day care. But there is one part that I can not remember to save my life. I have been trying to get a peek into that time period but it's as if it was completely erased from my memory.
I can not for the life of me remember anything about the first grade. Not the teacher or anything. The only thing that I know is what my mom kept, things I made and my report cards. On my report cards my grades were all fine, but I had notes from the teacher on all of them saying I talked too much to myself.?????? I don't understand....
My first thought would be the "alters" since I did have DID at that time. But for an entire year? Even if it was for an entire year how could I not register the fact that an entire year vanished on me?
Than yesterday I was talking to an old t. I always thought I saw my old t for 8 months without missing an appointment besides the one when I was in the hospital. When I was talking to the old t yesterday he said I only went for 10 weeks back to back, than vanished for FOUR months, went to the hospital and than went back to him. How could I miss four months? Even the day I went to the hospital I told my mom "I can't wait for my appointment tonight I have to go to the hospital now!" she looked at me strange but I didn't think anything about it...
How is it that I can miss 4 months out of my life and not even know that they are missing? I have no idea what is going on, how I can miss such large chunks of my life...
Does ANYONE have any idea what may be going on? Can anyone help she some light on this very strange situation? It's starting to concern me. I don't want to miss an entire year of watching my daughter grow up.
I keep wondering if my memory is THAT bad where I can't remember large chunks, but could it be that bad when I remember so many details about everything else, all of the other time periods besides these two major details and some summers with my dad?
I'm so confused!
Any help or kind words would be greatly appreciated!  |
its ok kris. with DID its actually very common for people with DID tolose track of time even for long spaces of time. I once lost two whole years. how and why does it happen well how and why in your situation may be different but how and why it happened with me was an alter came out and lived my life for me during that two years because I was so upset about something bad that had happened to me I couldnt stay around to take care of things. my alter had to do it for me. after that alter and I became one working team together I could know all the memories that she had so I now remember those two years that was lost to me for a long time and i now remember the bad situation that made me switch into that alter and stay that way for two years straight. all these things that you dont remember now will eventually come back to you. When I cant say it all depends on you and your ststem and when you all feel you are ready to know and share that information together. Right now they are just keeping the memories of that year away from you so that you can keep on going living your life without having to deal with those memories and the emotions they caused you to begin with.