I was hoping you were right Luce but I still wasn't sure. I wrote my mom an email asking her if she remembered me being strange or anything during those times and she said all she could remember from the first grade was that I made "perfect" grades and had "perfect attendence" and I got in trouble all of the time for talking to myself too much I have NEVER done either of those. She also reminded me that I had all of my old pictures and paperwork here (she left it before she went to Korea) I thought I would go through them while talking to Erik on the phone and hope to find a clue... What I found was a bit scary...

First, according to what I found I did not get DID when I was 4 but when I was 6, or close to 6. About when I got the DID, I remembered the very first blackout when I was with my dad, a horrid thing he had done. That was the same summer my Grandfather died, my dad was so crushed about his death that he went down hill even faster than before and caused my first black out. When I returned home from the summer with my dad, my mom introduced us to her boyfriend, the one who was extremely abusive.

This ENTIRE time I thought that I was 4 when all of this happened and I was wrong. All of this happened in 1993, when I was 6 and going into the first grade. The first grade which I can not remember. I have the funeral paper from my Grandfather from 2003 and a pic of my mom and her boyfriend from 2003 their first date. They are standing in front of an ice sculpture that says "1993". I have these things put to the side for my T when I see her Tuesday...

The first grade wasn't the first thing I found. While I was going through the pictures I found a small drawing from November 6th 2003. It was a drawing with the writing and drawings of a little child. Some of the letters are a little mixed as well and these are basically stick figures. In the drawing there are 5 people and two cats. Above the people it says "Momma" a ? above the man, "David" "Josh" and "Me" than above the cats "Raven" and "Apollo" David and Josh are my older brothers. In the drawing I was the little girl.

This picture confused me. Why would I in 2003 being 16 years old have drawn that picture? I kept looking though and found the funeral paper from my friend who died that year. At first I was sad thinking "Oh I miss him" and I was reading the paper to the Eriks and FLIPPED out when I got to the date. According to his funeral paper he died on August 21st 2003. His funeral was August 28th 2003. The thing that scared me was that he was one of the reasons I asked to go to the hospital. The day I asked to go to the hospital was the day of his funeral (and also the day I found out he died in the first place)I remember after getting home from the funeral, it was early because I was let out of school for it. I went home and to get my mind off of what was upsetting me I looked online to try and find my dad in the arrest inquiries.

When I didn't see any new arrests for him I decided to start looking for all of my old friends. The day of Chris (the one who died) the day of his funeral I also found out that a friend of mine went to jail for first degree murder and armed kidnapping. He killed another one of my friends. I felt like I was going to lose my mind so I went down the street to my loser boyfriends house but he wasn't home. His roommates were there and told me that they had to tell me something, than proceeded to tell me that he cheated on me.

After I found that out I ran home and told my mom I needed to go to the hospital and could not wait for my t appointment, than went and packed my bags. The odd thing is all of these things happened in August, yet I wasn't at the hospital until of course 4 months later in December. I didn't go to the hospital until December and that drawing was made in November. So that drawing was made during a blackout I never even knew I had. It's understandable I didn't see the time gap at the moment given everything that I was going through, but for it to take 6 years for me to realize it?

These things are really starting to concern me. How can ALL of this be coincidence? So much proof here that SOMETHING was off, but can an alter really kick me out of my body for that long? Can they erase me from existance for that much time?

I'm even more confused now than I have been in a VERY long time! I'm not sure what happened and don't really care too much but I'd like to know if it was them at the time. I don't need to know the details right now, I just need to know who and why.

This is so confusing and the confusion is making it scary! I don't know what to do right now, I'm so lost!

Kris