maybe i shouldn't reply to this thread, because this issue is way too close to home for me. maybe you need people who don't identify with your friend to respond instead. but for what it's worth, i understand where your friend is coming from. i eventually stopped being friends with the people who wouldn't let my self harm drop.

i was sexually abused by my father when i was young. i started self harming at 14. the sexual stuff had stopped by then, but there was still physical abuse that would go on occasionally. cutting was all that i had to cope, and if i didnt have that, i dont know what else i would have had. the only reason i got through high school was because i was able to self harm.

at the same time, i knew it was bad for me. i knew i wanted to stop. i even knew i needed help in being able to stop. but it was too scary to do. talking about it was good for me, if i brought it up myself. it felt like i could imagine different scenarios and maybe anticipate how i could control them better. but if my friends brought it up (i had 2 friends who knew, one whom i subsequently stopped talking to when she wouldnt drop the issue) it became too much to handle. it felt like i had to get help because it was stressing them out. i could only do so much, and i needed to look after me.

when your father has hurt you in that way, you don't trust that other adults are going to look out for you or have your best interests in mind. already your friend has had the authorities involved - and look where that got her. nowhere. or even worse, because now her sisters wont even take her in.

i'm 25 now. i stopped cutting regularly when i was about 19, and that was because it was my decision to do so. i still live with my dad, but i've learnt other ways to cope with the stress. i wouldn't recommend that your friend live with her father any longer than she has to, but please try to understand that you forcing the issue is one thing less she can then rely on. i would even go so far as to say that you must respect her and her wishes, just because no one else has. if she needs to self injur right now to get through, then that is a shame, but it's what she needs to do. of course - i am talking about "safe" self injury. if she is at the point where she needs stitches, then a word or two in the nurse's ear will do the trick in getting her to get help. but if it is something she can control right now, can patch up and heal herself, then just continue to be there to support her. she will find her own strength in her own time, and it would be helpful for her if you were still around to support her in making the transition from being a cutter to seeking help on how to stop.

if you really are the only person whom she talks to about this, then you don't really have any right to stage a friend intervention. how on earth would your friend be able to trust you after that? and what if one of her other friends goes and tells someone? how would you be able to control that her parents don't find out?

the answer is that you wouldn't, and you would be putting your friend in danger. please respect her right to privacy, and her right to heal herself.