Not sure how easy it is, but you do sound like you should go through talk-therapy with a psych doctor. I'm thinking the best way to face it is with help of a professional. You are very hurt - but you do need to look at how you deal with hurtful situations vs. what he did. He was him, but you are you - and how you deal with this is critical in this situation.

I kind of look at relationships as "what comes next?" - rather than "what was". You may invest years in one but they could end in an instant. Whether through bad decisions or tragedy (sickness or accident). Only advise I have is to work with a professional therapist who can guide you through becoming a healthier and stronger woman.

A Zen saying is: "expect nothing ... be prepared for anything"