((((Babysteps))))

Thank you for this post. And I have often thought of this. Yes, depression tells us these different things and it is good at convincing us of these things and more. And because our self-esteem is so low already, it is not hard to listen.

But so many of us are taught at a very young age that we are worthless, nothing, and bad. I know for me----I used to have to stand in front of the mirror on my little step stool, and repeat over and over that I ws worthless, bad, nothing. I said it everyday for long periods of time and it was ingrained in my brain.

I have so many times been brainwashed through words that were said to me over and over until that is all I knew and believed. I know for me being in a c^^^, they did other things that ingrained in you what they wanted you to think. But just in abusive homes, sometimes you get told things so many times that you believe----whether to stop the abuse or because you have finally just accepted what has been said.

The abuse not only comes from men but from women also. When that is all you know, turning that around becomes very difficult. It takes a long time. Sometimes, you come here and people tell you that you are important, you are a good person and that you are worth being here.

For me, it is sometimes hard to understand or believe that you are telling me the truth as all I grew up with was just the oposite. Reteaching yourself to believe good things is very hard. I am not saying that it is not possible, but it takes sometimes a long time.

Whenever someone says they are ugly, worthless, etc. they are saying what has been reiterated in their minds for so long. Also, so many times, people are still being told this sometimes on a daily basis and sometimes whenever they talk to those who told them these things. For me, being attacked was a daily thing. It was a control thing.

It was something that filled me everyday. I tried to counter it but then was told how wrong I was, how I was making things up, and the threats to never say anything were always present. So because of that, I felt I could never be good.

I was told many lies as a child and I am working on those things but it is hard. So many times, if you can tell people that you are bad and worthless, and you tell them to go away and that you are not worth their time----you can then take the blame for them leaving. You are already expecting it so why not make it happen by telling them what you believe because that is what you have been told so it comes from you first so that they cannot hurt you.

You are already prepared for the bad so that when it happens because you already know it is going to happen, you cannot get hurt. Also, you can say I knew it. It is not right or fair----but it is what is happening for so many.

Yes, you are right, we are not those things----but it takes time to be able to change those things. For most of us----trust is a big issue. And just because someone tells you something, can you trust that?? It is hard and takes time. I know I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall when someone is nice to me or says something nice. You wonder what they want. What do you have to perform for them??

So, I guess I do understand what people are saying and why. No, we need to not listen to depression as it does lie to us. But we also need to realize where others may have come from and what may have been ingrained within. Yes, it can be changed but it takes time and risking what we know to be true to what is really true.

I do thank you for this post. It made me think. No one deserves to be called those names. We are all hurting and going through alot. But together with patience and love we can change those things one day at a time. If we keep putting good in----it will eventually come out. We can change if we try. It is just that it is hard to think another way when you have thought the other way for so long.

dps