(((((((((Berries))))))))))
Take it one breath at a time. When things get really bad for me, I am reduced to concentrating on my breathing, because I don't feel like I have anything else. Somehow, controlling my breaths gives me the slightest bit of control over my life, just enough to get me from one moment to the next, even if it is excruciating.
I'm glad you're seeing your pdoc. You don't have to feel like this. Something will work. Something will click. You'll get there. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but you have to keep telling yourself that things will get better, whether you believe it or not, because there are some days when depression sufferers have nothing but their own stubbornness to rely on. Just take it one day, one step, one breath at a time, and know we're all here to support you when you need it.