Hi Miss Charlotte, it's good to see you here.

I don't know how much help I will be, but I've been wanting to respond to your post. My days seem to be disappearing lately, due to stress I imagine, and so an hour to me is like 40 days and nights to regular folk.

I don't actually remember driving a lot of times. I have talked to T at length about this because I was concerned. For the longest time, I didn't know it wasn't normal. I just thought I spaced out (which of course I did) and ended up somewhere. When I realized that this wasn't a normal thing (ie getting in the car and ending up somewhere else without even remembering getting out of the car), I got nervous that maybe I was going to get into an accident or something.

T knows me better than I do and she said that she has talked with whatever part(s) of myself that drive(s) to therapy and she is confident that I am as safe as anyone. Of course I could get into an accident, just like anyone, if triggered, just as I could if I wasn't dissociated and was triggered. Whatever part of me does the driving, she (I) seem to do okay.

I do know how to drive though it's not my favorite thing to do. I always just want to be done with it and be there (hmm, maybe that's why I am gone a lot of times). But it's always been this way for me. Before I knew what was going on for me, I didn't remember driving and I was safe. So after a lot of discussions with T, I don't worry about it anymore. I apparently learned to drive when I was 14 or 15 or 16 (not sure) and I'm old now so whichever part of me drives, she has had a lot of experience. One problem I do have though is ending up on a street and becoming aware and thinking I am in another state or street during a different time in my life. That could be why I get lost sometimes though.

Understand the head noise. I have constant crying inside my head, sometimes louder, sometimes more quiet. Between that and the chanting of the same words over and over again, I feel like I'm crazy. Something I found helps me when I feel bad is children's songs. I went out and got a CD with millions of children's songs. While I don't really listen to it consciously, having it on in the background seems to calm down inside at times.

As far as wanting to close your eyes, maybe you could open the window some or turn the AC on high? Or turn up the music or talk show on the radio or something?

This is an interesting topic and is giving me food for thought. Thanks for bringing it up.