Hi BiscuitTin, yeah, I can relate to feeling like a loner and walking to my car after a group and seeing the other people standing outside talking with each other and knowing that I'm not a part of it. And, worse yet, I thought that I was not even invited into that part of the other peoples world--like I was automatically excluded and it hurt my feelings that I never even got an option or chance to be a part of it (I thought). I felt a little unwanted or unworthy—like I was some sort of defective outcast. I was rejected by the other people because there was something wrong with me.

But, after a lot of personal reflection, I have come to realize that I felt comfortable walking to my car alone and I am absolutely certain that there is nothing wrong with my introverted self. I was not being rejected by the other people because I decided to go to my car instead of hanging around and chatting with them. They can’t invite me into their social world if I am already gone.

This post is just my own personal experience so it may not be what’s going on with you but I thought I’d share it. Identifying my naturally introverted self as a defective outcast and loner made me miserable for a long time because I thought it was something that I needed to fix. I thought the answer to my problem was to force myself to fit in and be a part of the social group. It was like nails on a chalk board…nails on a chalk board.

I am good at participating in groups--even social groups but even when I am an active leader of a group, I still feel like I am alone. I am always alone in a group of people--it's like I'm playing the game of being a member of the group, but everybody else but me seems to develop emotional connections with each other. I struggle when it comes to me making personal contact and developing relationships within a group of people because I don’t naturally connect with others in a group setting. It feels more natural for me to spend a lot of time alone and then to make emotional connections with individuals instead of groups of people.

I have given myself permission to be an introvert and I no longer pressure myself to try to be an insider and part of all the groups. Instead, I have been focusing on building relationships with just a few friends and it feels good to connect with them on an individual basis. I am an introverted loner but I still need to make enough emotional bonds with others so that I can feel like I am cared about and loved by people.

So, I don’t know if you are struggling with my type of issues or not. But, if you are having a tough time connecting with people in your groups, maybe you can try focusing on one group member at a time. Please, please try not to negatively judge yourself for struggling with this. I bet you are right and that you really are accepted and liked by the group. Communications within support groups are very, very tricky and sometimes they can take a lot of work to figure them. I have learned a lot about myself by working through these issues and the opportunity to work on them is one of the benefits of being in a support group.

Good luck.