Thank you all for your kind words and your support. And, Peanut by slipping I meant that I am slipping into a deeper depression and scared about my future. I have no intentions of "acting out" any longer... that only made a bad situation worse.

Heather... I have a 15 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I have them every other weekend and then on Wednesday nights. I see them a LOT more in the summer when baseball and softball are going on. I love my time with them.

I will try and get out this weekend. Actually an old college friend that I found on classmates.com has been e-mailing me. We might get together on Sunday afternoon. So, that will be cool... haven't seen them in over 25 years (gasp... choke) that should be interesting!!

I am just at a weird place now. On the one hand I am feeling better and I am not "acting out" any longer. On the other hand I am still sad, still grieving the loss of the love of my life, very overwhelmed, shamed, feel guilty, not very hopeful for my future... a lot of mixed emotions. I am just scared lately when I have to be alone for any length of time.