Does anyone else ever feel like they're disappearing? I look back at the years since I've moved and all I see is this downward spiral into darkness. I feel like I'm losing myself, not that I've ever known who she was. But I'm scared that I'm going to keep going down until there's nothing left of me and all that there is are my "imaginary friends". I have such an internal battle I've always had and never paid much attention to it till people irl comment on the hurting that they see in me and then supervisors at work getting frustrated cause you're so ashamed you can't look at them. I can look at people if they're not talking to me or if there's background noise I have to watch their mouths to hear then take the time for it to process. It's frustrating on me as well as them. I'm so sensitive to others emotional needs I feel like I need to run away from everyone or I'll lose my battle to their own emotions rubbing off on me. I don't remember being at work this afternoon but I know I was there cause I remember the end part of it. Waiting for two residents to finish eating. But the rest is blank. I hope I did a good job. My supervisors keep insisting that I'm doing fine and I keep telling them "no I'm not, I keep making mistakes. I'm not a good worker." and they keep on insisting that I'm wrong so there proves that I am making mistakes even when I say I am I'm making a mistake. I dunno. I'm kinda just rambling but I needed to let things out and know that I'm not just spitting in the wind. If anyone even reads this I thank you and I hope that I didn't upset anyone. I'm just scared. If this is DDNOS how'd I go this long and not know it?