Oh thank you all so very much. It's such a weird and dangerous problem. I caught myself today closing my eyes on the way home. I am convinced that it is a young part who wants "it" all to go away--the loneliness, the out-of-control feelings, the burden of overwhelming responsibility. I was left alone so much when I was young and I just know it is that young girl. The screamer is maybe different. She scares the part who closes her eyes. You see--when I was little I could just close my eyes and enter a fantasy world where everything was nice and lovely and beautiful. I loved to read--it was my salvation and I filled my soul with stories of all kinds--fairy tales, many many fairy tales. I read every Grimm's and Hans Christian Anderson. I read the Box Car Children, Nancy Drew, and the Bobsey Twins. I read Cherry Ames, and so on and so forth. I have discussed this with T and is is concerned because the urge to close my eyes happens after work--never on the way there. And it sometimes happens on the way home from T. So he said that's because something happened (at work or in therapy) to make me feel that way. Recently about two months ago, he was concerned enough to call H and invite him into my session because he said he didn't know how best to protect me. I think it's been bad the past week or so because T is on vacation and so the abandonment is triggered big time.

Luce--thank you so much for the idea of gentle discussion. I will try it for sure. Wantto, I want to (LOL) help the little me inside. I think I spent a long time pushing her away, keeping her locked up inside. T and I have discussed coping strategies and he said I MUST be prepared. The thing that works best is for me to listen to recordings of lectures (I love Pema Chodron) and/or books. It was stories that soothed this little girl so she needs stories again, I think. When I am listening I can stay engaged long enough to get home safely. So maybe some of you who said they have the same problem can try these too!

LM--I do have a stuffed animal. I might try bringing her with me for company.

Writing--thank you for caring to write. I do agree but must find a solution other than turning in the keys.