Hi Tishie,

Wow! You got some big decisions........coming off or reducing meds is always hard......

The question, and it seems most that have replied agree, is whether you feel better because of the meds or because you feel better because of you(meaning spritual and cognitive growth, the act of forgiveness by letting go of some of the past, by acceptance, loving yourself more.......you know what I mean

And only you can quantify that.........the fear associated with coming of meds that I have experienced is more to do with self-esteem and confidence.......can I do this on my own, without the meds?

My stubbornness won about 4 years ago and I came off all medication, all at once, after being on a heavy cocktail for years........however I was overseen by my worried and frustrated shrink......but it was my decision........know that I am in any way advocating that you do that, I was bit unusual and dangerous in my detoxing. But it worked for me.......

I have pretty much been asymptomatic since then with the occasional uprising of core schemas(related to a physical illness). But I know them for what they are and have the cognitive skills to deal with them. I still have a T and a pdoc to help me if I need it and often revisit old skills.

If I am making it sound easy, its not, to be honest, but I feel freer and more philosophical. I still get the really bad times that feel overwhelming but I push through and reduce stress and talk about it more than I did before. I guess my confidence is greater and I am much more loving of myself and all my foibles. I have made peace with my "werewolf", I am better at controlling my rage(I have not been in trouble with the boys in blue for a long time)........and most importantly I work on forgiveness everyday for I still have the same triggers(my parents and stupid people) but I choose my battles more carefully and spend much time "protecting" myself from harm.

I love more now, I have 3 very close friends, I embraced my anti-social, misanthropic self and strange mind and just accept that......hey!!.....this is ME! I also say NO a lot.......to things that I do not want to do. After all the years of terror and trauma, it is all about me now......

So, I hope you make the right decision for you.......and if I can be the devils advocate.......I wonder, that because you question, you have not reached an inner decision. The truth is always within, and one day it will feel right for you and it will happen the way it is meant to and you will have great success.......NO pressure.

Take care Tishie........the time will come and it will be GREAT!!

Michah