Normally I post in the DD forum since my DID has been my main focus lately... But when I woke up this morning some things started to confuse me. I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 15 (along with DID and others) but not until yesterday when I received my medical records did I know which bipolar I was diagnosed with.

Until this past year I didn't even know there were two types of bipolar. Shows how much research I do into myself doesn't it? Yesterday when I was going over my records they said I have bipolar 1. I still don't know the difference between the two.

The thing that confuses me however, is that I don't seem to have periods of "high". My moods range from depression to severe depression. Never a happy part in it. I don't even remember the last time I was genuinely happy! When I have my "manic episodes" I'm not happy at all, I just finally have enough energy to get out of the house. I feel trapped when I'm inside, I always need to be up and going somewhere. I spend more money than I should, I sleep much less and basically can't sit still. But none of this makes me happy. I just do it mostly because I feel if I sit in one spot for too long I will go crazy.

Is it normal for bipolar 1 to never be happy even in their "high"? And can anyone tell me what the difference between bipolar 1 and 2 are? If you do have bipolar 1, do you feel the same way as me? Still depressed just with more energy?

Thanks for any responses, I'm hoping that maybe learning more will help me to understand myself better!

Kris