I never once thought I had a "trigger" of all the horrific things that has happened to me in my past, nothing ever once triggered me. No talk of abuse, no talk of sexual abuse, nothing at all...

Until I was in the chat room today. Nothing serious happened just someone said "I smell smoke" and that hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden I started having flash backs of middle school. Just from those three small words.

In middle school, probably the least of my torment, every time I would step into the halls everyone in the school would scream at me "I smell smoke!" because my mom smoked in the house. It really hurt me because it felt like the entire school was against me. Even my friends abandoned me once this little phrase got around, I couldn't blame them since I was a target...

But those three little words were never the worst of my problems, not even close. All of the horrific abuse I seemed to attract and all of my family problems were so much worse. Of course those words hurt, but not as much as the rest of the things happening to me.

So why is it that those three small words could impact me so much? Why is it that those three small words are the ONLY thing that could trigger me?

I didn't know where else to post this so I hope it's ok I posted it here. I'm trying to regain my composure right now and it appears to be difficult...

I just don't understand why something so trivial would impact me so greatly! This is frustrating beyond words and makes me feel like such a child, so useless.

I don't know why I'm posting this but I just needed to vent and can not turn to anyone here so I must turn to the forum.