I dont usually post on this board. Im sorry if I sound a little out of it.
I almost cut tonight (its been 5 weeks) and I wasnt having strong urges. I just went to go do it after a long car ride in the dark. I got home and then I was sidetracked by something and I then stopped and realized I didnt really want to make a mess. I am realizing that I can cut in a dissociated way. I think that is what it would be. I have done that in the past and I wondered what I did it for. I dont have strong urges now but if I think about it more now I will get urges.
I have to go out late tonight in the car and drive to this dark area again and I think I get weird thoughts and my mind goes to these places when I drive and listen to music in the dark. If I dont listen to music its worse. I hope this sounds understandable.