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Kris...
I sometimes write, and it helps some. Sometimes I will write something and put it somewhere and find it months/years later and not know when I wrote it or who really wrote it.
As far as why YOUR alters seem to be hiding from you...I'm not sure and I wouldn't want to offer you any info that may go against what you believe.
For ME...my alters hide because their jobs are to protect the system and protect the girl....at all costs. And you can't protect the girl if you're constantly out playing around. Don't get me wrong...they do come out, but mostly they come out at home. Every once in a while they will appear at work or around a friend/family member, but I have been working in T to prevent this. Besides...we've got the Operator who manages who's out and who's in...usually. For ME...the system serves one purpose...to protect.
I also know, that for ME, my alters will not be FORCED out. When I attempt to go to fast, to soon, they hide and go in deeper. Yes, they come out under extreme stress because the system sends the alters out, like soldiers, to attempt to fight the war. As the need for protection decreases, they stay hunkered down, awaiting the next battle.
I would also like to offer (MY) opinion that you are not experiencing blackouts per se. You are experiencing times when your alters ARE out and you have not progressed in your treatment to get to the point where you have co-consciousness, which is the ability of having a higher awareness between alters and between alters and host. Most likely, until you progress in your treatment, this dissociative amnesia will continue until you get to co-consciousness and you will need to come to terms with the fact that if you WANT them out more, for now that will mean more dissociative amnesia, not less. Unfortunately, according to your previous posts, you have decided already that you did not want to work towards healing because you didn't want them to go away. The only way to move toward co-consciousness and live a more cohesive life with them all and NOT have as much dissoc. amnesia, is to be willing to work towards healing to get to that point.
If you would like to talk more about this, I would be glad to talk with you more, but right now, I think that will be enough.
I will talk with you later....
Take care,
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