We have a lot of trouble with being "engaged" with people. T's word. He says that other parts have been engaged with him, but not this part. The part that has been around for ages now is symbolised by a dragon we made. It is vicious, fire breathing, covered in really hard armour scales and has nasty spikes all the way up it. This part hates people and wants nothing to do with them. Does everything possible to stay right away from them, both physically and also inside self (like emotionally? not sure of the right words).

A while back we had big arguments with T about not getting any better and he basically decided that to get better we need to be learn how to engage and connect to people and other stuff I can't remember. But the first step in all this is to look at him. Been seeing T for over 5 years and never looked in his face. Seen his shoes. Sneak a peak at him occasionally when we are certain he can't see us. But never looked when he is there talking to us. Looking at us.

So we've been having these sessions where he is pushing us to look and some of us know we have to be doing this. But the angry hostile distanced part is the one usually there with him. If it's just that one there, then we get nowhere and T gets to hear a lot of swear words. But there is a part that helps. It is the one that learnt to soothe the young part. And it can help this hostile one to just focus on the actual looking at him (rather than on all the angry hateful things and the things that can go wrong and the bad feelings and stuff).

But this helping part is only there sometimes. If we could work out what helps it be there, then it would be good. We have tried having it write notes we can read just before going in to see T (in case those helping thoughts help it to be around more). But that often doesn't work. We know that if we do uni work in the waiting room, then it definately won't be around in T, so we have stopped doing that. We've tried to think of what feelings are around when it comes, but we aren't doing too well with identifying and being connected to feelings lately.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else knows of any ways to help the helping parts be present, or what can make them present or away. Sorry, I think I'm starting to not make much sense anymore.