So I have not had much of a summer reason being I was 302ed not once but twice. the first one was June 23 and I was away till July 10th. That was my first T that dumped me by email and voice mail stating that in a private practice that shw felt i needed to seen 2xs a week. So now I am under the county mental health services for treatment. The 25th I met with my ICM then had therapy. She didn not think I was safe even thought I mae a safety contract that was not good enough and took me to see my psychtrist and he agreed. So the next thing a police officer and am ambulance showed up for me.This time was August 25th till Sept 4th. I guess what has me down is the truth that I have had 3 shrinks tell me the same thing and I was BPD, Bipolar. I guess it is hard too accept this I also have PTSD and major depression.

Even more depressing is my family. Last night I heard all about how I was fine before I started seeing my initial psychologist and started taking meds. I am different person and how much different I was a year ago. These things cause my black thoughts and feelings, not to mention the racing and intrusive thoughts. I am afraid to go ack to see my T or shrink. I am very afraid to go for fear that they might try to 302 me again. I am very depressed about getting locked away again or even being truthful to my T or PDoc anymore.I am just not sure what to do at this time. I feel lke I have a dard shroud over me. I also want to figure out how to get out of a 302. Not to mention most inpatient programs have no smoking which caused more stress with the last 302 because they had no smoking. I got so frustrated I punched a hole in the crisis holding room. Well I better go b\c my minds racing and im getting more depressed over all of it including living like this.