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Sep 06, 2009, 08:07 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 352
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Yes. When I look at my scars (about 50 of them) I remember all the bad things that happened to me which led me to why I did it in the first place. I remember how I felt so good when making them and that the abrasions felt the best because I could feel the burn, but I also look at them and I wonder to myself why I would do that. I think about all the bad things that happened, but I don't understand why I chose my arms and not somewhere else. At school though, when I left school in 8th grade and didn't come back for about a month and a half right before school ended, I came back and had to have a monitor walk me around in the halls so that I would maintain safety and not hurt myself in school as well as making sure that students wouldn't act out on me. Once I hit 9th grade and was going to school during the first 10 weeks before I left school until the end when I had to come in only for my exams. I didn't care what others saw. I really didn't care about anything. Frankly, when people look at them I really could care less. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I look at them and I see a long journey that I illustrated on myself, but I also think about why I did them. It's kind of difficult when I'm trying to go to school for social work, yet have scars on me and would have to totally cover up in front of my clients. The bummer though is that I did it to the tops of my hands, not the palms. I hope that this has helped you a little bit to seek validation.
 Be safe and take care
 dance59326
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown
"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
Thich Nhat Hanh
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