I'm so P.O.-ed!!! I hate how my OCD and panic disorder limit me in the most normal activities of life. I can't wear just anything--stuff that doesn't have sleeves exposes my skin too much (short sleeves expose the skin, but there's a little more protection), shoes have to be slip-on (no cute strappy sandals that I'd need my finger to get on, no laced shoes), and forget bottled tanning (stuff I can't wash off or get off quickly can send me into a panic attack).

I can't dye my hair (it feels claustrophobic to me, and it's like the bottled tan, can't wash it off quickly), get it permed (those chemicals bother me and feel claustrophobic to me because I can't get away from the smothering scent of them if they're on my hair), and even having rollers in my hair can send me into a panic attack if there's too many--have to be able to get them out fast!

Now, I just checked out a local cultural site and found they have glass beadmaking classes--just the kind of thing I'd love to learn--and I can't do that because schools and classes are "dirty" to me, plus the location is historical and old things (including buildings) can bother my OCD. I can't do anything simple like that! I would love to take some art classes! I want to cry and cry, but I know it'll do no good!

I wrote a letter to a psychologist who specializes in OCD in my state, but I have tried calling his office before and found he doesn't take Medicare (my only insurance), and I can't afford his fees. On top of that, it's not a local office and my boyfriend can't take me during the day because he works, but he's my only transportation. But I'm writing directly to the doctor (on the phone many months ago, I talked to his office staff), in hopes he can at least offer some advice or something!