Hmm suicidal thoughts. I hate those. Had them for many years. Horrid ! I've always been able to think my way out of it thank God, crawl out of the maze. But it is not nice at the time. And when i feel down it is like a huge black cloud and weighted brick that is in your mind and then your head feels it is about to explode. But when it goes the feeling is wonderful. Hold on tight, things will get better. Maybe some walking will help?