My Support Forums - View Single Post - It's been awhile since I visited... I need to vent

VickiesPath · Sep 07, 2009, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanillaBean

Wow, no replies at all, eh? Well, now I feel stupid. And I want to delete this thread but for some reason I can't. Can an admin either delete this for me or tell me how to do it myself. Thanks

Hi VanillaBean,

This is a holiday weekend which is probably why no one has answered you! The website activity has been slightly dead!

I am so sorry this situation is causing you such turmoil. I had an uncle like the one you describe and fortunately, I didn't have to see him but once in a blue moon and that was too often. His four children suffered so much from his abuse (his wife was my mother's oldest sister) and now that the aunt and uncle are both gone, all four of those kids are scattered throughout the US and we don't know if they are alive or dead. They all were alcoholics and a real mess.

Anyway, back to your situation. You have every reason to stand up for your feelings about this man. I know that you do not want to hurt your aunt and that you do not understand why things are the way they are between them, i.e., she has not filed for divorce, etc. There may be reasons you will never know about. But, you have every right to tell your aunt that you simply can not be around this man. He has been rude, cruel, insulting, and emotionally harmful to you personally and there is no wondering why you do not want to be there.

You do not need to pretend or lie. You are entitled to your feelings and opinions. If she tells you to get over it, simply say that you do not mean to offend her, that you love her but you cannot stand to be around your uncle. You do not need to apologize for it. You have every right to establish these boundries and stand up tall and defend them.

I don't know if you would be able to do this or not but I would like to offer you something to think about. Generally speaking, people who are offensive, abrasive, critical and arrogant are to be pittied. They have suffered some tremendous gaps somewhere in their development. Some of your uncle's characteristics are also defense mechanisms. He developed them as a reaction to some abuse he suffered at some time long ago. I'm not saying that you need to psychoanalyze him and and as a result get all warm and fuzzy about his faults. I'm just saying that usually the people we meet who are the biggest pains in the ***** are the ones who hurt the most deep down.

Is there somewhere you could go for the time he will be there? You have every good reason to excuse yourself and simply not be there. After all, he's only going to insult and aggravate you so why subject yourself to it.

I don't know if this has helped you or not but it's just my take on it. I do understand your feelings and it seems to me that you are being very considerate of your aunt's feelings so far.

I hope you figure out a way to get away while he visits.