I used to be a landlord for a relative for about an year. I hated it especially when I got stuck in the middle as the tenants I found didn't pay and I had to get the money out of my not so large pocket. I was so glad when I managed to get rid of the responsability and pass it on to someone else.
You said: "I fantasise about living a life where i am energised, passionate,healthy,fullfilled,and want to be in the rat race but then i remember i have never been good enough to experience it like that."
A very amazing person said this to me the first day we met even though she didn't know me at all: you should realize that you are amazing and important and wonderful simply just because you exist. (well she was a therapist and it's their job to help people, but those words moved since I didn't think of me like that at all). So I am here to tell you that you are good enough. And you know what I am sure you are even better that you could fantasize. You deserve happiness, love, energy, passion and whatever you desire. The fact that you have a hard time coping with stuff doesn't make you not worthy or not good enough. Maybe you are even stronger than other people that don't have to go trough life with these kind of issues.
I am sure you have done some amazing stuff in your life so far. Like going to the dentist even if you are petrified of doing so(not everybody can face their fears). I know "normal" people that have one fear and refuse to face it their whole lives.
And I bet that coming here and spilling your heart out took courage too. I am sure you have also other stuff to continue this list. So give yourself credit for every single one, cause if you don't who will?