Hi, Bonderella! When I read your post I get the feeling something is going to give way, and when it does, the result will be short-term turmoil but longer-term relief. This may seem counterintuitive, but you may need a failure to make a door for success.

That's just an immediate personal impression, not advice.

Best wishes with the dentist (be sure to let them know what meds you're taking before the procedure)! Ah...make that best wishes with everything that's going on - may you find peace with yourself and have fun reaching that peace!