Haven't written in here for ages. Feeling really blah!

New job and all that and I'm completely knackered on my days off. Not just tired but knackered, it's the ony word for it. Doing extra shifts to help out but no time for anything else.

And the reason I'm writing here is because a client said that I was fantastic! And another one said I was very good! I should be thrilled about this but I'm so down about it. My whole childhood I was told how crappy I was, useless, good for nothing, a piece of ****. I feel so crappy. I should feel good but being told the opposite makes me feel ugh! Brings up all those crappy memories and makes me realise how low I really feel. I should feel great god dam it! I guess if I felt angry about it I might feel better I don't know.