Lonegal, you just reminded me of all the things I did in childhood that were out of a depressed emotion or else a hypomanic one. Now I don't feel so terrible. I mean, I did them, but I didn't know why I hurt so much most of the time.

I also wonder why I only have aunts who had depressive disorders and 1 cousin diagnosed bipolar. I figure there's another cousin and my brother who is (and prob a personality disorder too) but hasn't been dx'd. I also know that I have a grandfather who had shifting moods and a great grandfather who did as well (but also not dx'd so it feels like mine came out of no where). They were alternating charming and then cruel and drunk. I am a happy drunk, so not sure what that's about. I only drink too much when feeling great...but I'm trying not to do that this time.

Anywho, thanks for your post. It helps me understand and feel validated.