This is my first time in this forum....just read your post.

He actually just sounds like a guy who isn't good at approaching women he is interested in...& is trying to hard at it. I only get that from the words you have posted here. When you are there physically next to him at the library, you are the one that can read hi body language.

Like you, agressive pushy guys turn me off. Growing up all I had were guy friends except for one girlfriend, I got to understand guys actions much better & was pretty good at reading where they were coming from. I enjoyed having them as friends & not boyfriends & just enjoyed doing guy things better than things that girls liked to do. I had one friend in college that enjoyed going out to nice restaurants & he knew I wasn't interested in him in a way other than just a friend, but he liked to plan far ahead & want commitments to dates so far ahead that I just couldn't plan my life that far ahead. We didn't have computers let alone internet in those days. In many ways, you had to be able to judge quicker about whether to give out any information to a person or not. Most of the time in college, the dating came from in classes, so you got to know a person & talk with them a lot before deciding whether they were ok to date or know....but other times, it was rather spur of the moment. I was lucky because most of the guys ended up being nice friends & I was good at keeping my boundaries well known......think when we meet someone to start with, & set up boundaries immediately, they can always be taken down, but it's harder to put up boundaries when they aren't there to start with.

This guy is probably safe & nothing more than being a little unsure on how to apporach a girl with a boyfriend that he might be wanting to get to know a little better. There is nothing unsafe about giving out an email address.....if there is a problem, you can always have it blocked.....nothing wrong with going out for coffee as long as you have your boundaries in place & aren't shy about letting them be known.

I separated from my husband after 33 years....living alone & hiring people to do work on my farm. I had a guy I hired to do my fencing. I got a call during the spring & he left this strange voice mail that could be taken as sexually harassing without it being anything really bad. When I was trying to get the fencing started, he called later one night & talking to me, pulled the same kind of crap. Timing was great with the coyotes howling & my dogs were outside, so I excused myself quickly to rescue my dogs. Thinking about the phone call, it made me angry.......I decided to let him have it about the phone call & told him that I would gladly write a complaint to the Better Business Bureau letting them know that he wasn't able to professionally do business with a woman with sexualy herrassing her & that is was completely unprofessional & I don't do business with people who can't handle themselves professionally.....that I expected to be treated with respect & if he couldn't then I wanted my money back & I would take my business elsewhere. I got an appology & he hasn't pulled anything like that ever again. It's important that we stand up for ourselves as women especially when we don't get the respect we deserve. I don't by the BS that southern guys are just like that as I don't care who or where anyone is from, I wil not accept being treated that way & will not tolerate it.

There are nice ways of setting our boundaries, like his touching you on the shoulder....you can say, please don't do that as I find it bothers me & would appreciate your respect to not do it in the future. The fact that you don't give out your phone # or personal information until you know the person better is another good point to let him know. If he is still interested after the boundaries, then you know he isn't a danger.

He really sounds like he just wants a chance to get to know you better & doesn't know how to make that happpen & is trying different possibilities attempting to.

Keep up your boundaries & let them be known & obvious.....there shouldn't be a problem seeing him at the library & as long as he is respecting the boundaries you make known to him, you can talk & get to know him better. That way you will be able to know if he is safe or not before ever providing any more information.

Going for coffee shouldn't be a problem as long as you are meeting him there & not going there with him.....all part of the safe boundaries.

Meeting guys where I have moved to, they all seem to assume that because I am not with my husband that I am interested in having a relationship with men.....NOT AT ALL THE CASE!!!! That is my first huge boundary that goes up......haven't had anyone that hasn't respected that boundary.....if they did, I would turn my 6 dogs loose on them with a command to attack......think I am definitely safe as 3 of my dogs go in my truck everywhere I go.....what a great backup for the boundaries I set.

I think our own fear can make us feel things that might not be there, but I never discard my gut feelings.

Just keep your eyes open & your mind alert & you will be fine,
Debbie