Hi all,
Sorry for late reply, was busy with school and my 3 yr old stepdaughter. I think I found a place where I can talk here and will no doubt pop in here a lot. Just an idea of how lame this is for me just reading the replies from you guys made me start shaking and get light headed, it's sad. I just don't know how to respond to people.

Funny really, I am learning in my Interpersonal Communications class right now just how long term isolation affects social development, I am really starting to understand just how much I loved the isloation growing up but just how much it has set me back socially and just how alone I feel day to day just watching people laugh and walk around me and I stand still unable to say a word or join in. Makes me cry sometimes and I'm 23.

It's like your in the middle of people all dancing and laughing around you and can't make yourself move an inch, and you see somebody break partners and you stretch out faintly to possibly grasp a hand and join in but they spin just out of reach and slip away back into the blur and your left alone again in middle of a world whirling on without you. All you get is this weight in your chest where there should have been laughter instead.

Replied to one message today how I have a paper bag with a big smiley drawn on it with the words "Have a Nice Day" written on the end that expand when I have to breathe into it. Lot of the time I feel like I spend so much time fighting just to stay above the surface that if a boat came along I'd just float and stare like the lifeguard were an alien.

IN the words of Switchfoot in my headphones right now, "Don't close your eyes, this is your life, are you who you want to be?"

Tomorrow I have to work in a group in communications, we'll see how that goes.
G'night for now.