I hope the visit with your mother goes well, velcro. It sounds stressful but like there is a lot of room for growth and understanding there. I hope you are able to meet with your T. Hurray for asking your T for something!

All those things you mentioned--not letting your mom in on your life, not liking it if she expresses emotion, never sending cards--that is how one of my daughters acts towards me. I've never figured it out, since I think I am a pretty nice mom and love her dearly, but that is how it is with her. I hope someday she will see I am actually not so bad! Meanwhile, I keep trying ways to reach her that are acceptable to her. It's really hard--she's very cold and can be very punishing. I worry that she will never be happy in life.... Maybe I need to read that Walking on Eggshells book, because that title does describe how I find myself feeling around her a lot of the time. Does it have any good suggestions?

It sounds like an important realization. Teens and young adults are often self-centered--it's part of their developmental process (as is separating from their parents). So don't be hard on yourself. Even if you do recognize some selfishness, if you don't feel positively toward your mother, if you don't love her, if you don't like her, it can be hard to act otherwise. Maybe just strive to be respectful and pleasant when she is visiting, and see where that goes.