This will be long, I appreciate anyone with the time and inclination to read this and offer any advice or support.

I've been with my husband for 15 years. We've had our ups and downs, and usually they happen in a very cyclical pattern. I noticed the pattern after we'd been together for about 7 years. He has a genetic history of bipolar in his family. His sister is bipolar with borderline personality disorder. Last year I discovered he had very likely been with a prostitute, and on the advice of our marriage counselor and my priest, I stopped sleeping with him (one week after I became pregnant with our second child). He has his addictions as well, specifically alcohol and marijuana, and he has dabbled with crack cocaine from 2006 thru 2008. The marijuana he refers to as his "medicine." It appears as if he's self medicating his mood disorder. I started to wonder whether or not he suffered from cyclothymia last year while researching a project for school. From this website: "ptypes.com/cyclothymicpd"
He exhibits the following symptoms:

~ has depressive periods: depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities and pastimes alternating with hypomanic periods: elevated, expansive, or irritable mood (American Psychiatric Association, 1980, pg. 220);

~ becomes excessively involved in pleasurable activities with lack of concern for the high potential of painful consequences alternating with restriction of involvement in pleasurable activities and guilt over past activities (pg. 220);

~ alternates between over-optimism or exaggeration of past achievement and a pessimistic attitude toward the future, or brooding about past events (pg. 220);

~ is more talkative than usual, with inappropriate laughing, joking, and punning: and, then, less talkative, with tearfulness or crying (pg. 220);

~ has shaky self-esteem: naive grandiose overconfidence alternating with lack of self-confidence (pg. 264);

~ engages in occasional financial extravagance (pg. 264);

~ engages in uninhibited people-seeking (that may lead to hyper-sexuality) alternating with introverted self-absorption (pg. 264);

~ may use alcohol or drugs to control moods or to augment excitement (pg. 264);

~ makes frequent changes in residence or geographical location (Akiskal, 1995, pg. 1143)

I gave birth to our second son this past new year's eve. In June of this year, my husband gave me an ultimatum to either move to another home, or he would divorce me. We didn't have enough money for a move, he had a lay off from work looming in the near future, and we had not slept together for over a year, but he set the ultimatum in front of me anyway. I refused, said we needed an emergency fund in the bank, with moving expenses on top of that and that we had to be in counseling working on our marriage if I were to consider moving. Three days later he filed for divorce, and then bought a new mattress set for himself to move in with his father. A month later, after I asked him about his moving some things from our yard to his father's house, he finally told me he had filed. Three days after that, I asked him to go ahead and sleep at his dad's.

I hired an attorney and filed an answer to his petition for divorce. I'm assuming he will fail the drug test and will be given supervised visitation only, at least as a temporary order. I don't know what will happen after that.

I still love him even so, but he makes me absolutely sick. He only wants to fight with me, every time we try to talk, everything is always my fault. I'm lost. I miss him. He won't listen to me, and now that he knows I'm fighting for custody, I don't know what's going to happen. Neither one of us is working right now. He was laid off a week ago, and I've not worked since our first son was born in 2006. I'm hoping to get work soon, working with temp agencies, contacting old workmates for references and such. I'm not too worried that I'll find a job, I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

He's so high on the drama of this disaster he's created. I'm trying to pick up the pieces, and protect my sons and my home. He just wants to see the kids, he's pushing for overnight visits, which I've said absolutely no! I do believe he's cleaned up his act for now because he's high on all this drama, but that won't last, he'll be back to his addictions with time, because he won't fix the problem. He actually told me that he thought I was the problem. I'm the only person who's genuinely cared for and loved him in all his life. I just wish I'd known about the disorder cyclothymia ten years ago. His sister is so severly bi-polar, there's seemingly no comparison to his behavior, but now I can see the similarities. His sister in the last three years destroyed her own marriage and can not even speak to her first three children on the phone now. She's also remarried and just had a new baby three months ago, all within three years!

So now I'm the enemy. I never wanted any of this to happen. I've stayed by him for years, through really hard times, and he left me because he wanted a bigger yard!

I hate the custody battle I'm having to fight, but I feel compelled to do so. I'm still letting him see our three year old son, frequently, but I can not abide overnight visits. I feel like I have to establish hard line boundaries with him up front so we're all protected when he does something he shouldn't.

Thanks to anyone who has read this far. I sincerely appreciate any help I can get, either to just let him go, or to somehow help him.