Thank you for all of your kind and supportive comments! I'm stuck in a situation right now where I just don't know what to do. About the T and about some friends. I have always put up walls and tried to protect myself from pain. I have gone through SO much in my life and people think I am strong because of it but that is not the case. I have pushed away every ounce of pain I have ever endured. I hide from my pain or ignore my problems. I don't trust people easily which is another way I am hiding from the pain that I know they will eventually inflict.

I'm not sure what to do about this yet. I can try and break down some walls and let them in, I can try and trust the t that she is not out to get me and the same for my friends but I don't know if I can actually do it. I don't know how to tear down these walls I have built so many years ago and I don't know if I should. I can continue to block out the pain and continue moving through life all of the time afraid but without severe pain, or I can risk the pain and feel the pain to let others in. I'm not sure which to choose right now..

I guess the t and my friends have given me a lot to consider tonight. If I do chose to trust the t, and my friends even, how do I stop the worries and how do I tear down the walls that are built so strong? I just don't know what to do and am very afraid at the moment, no matter which I chose I will be hurt... But which will cause the less amount of pain?!!!!!!

AGH!!!!

I forgot to mention one other thing the T said... She said that people with DID have "ramarkably intelligent minds" and they are all so open and in touch with their own mind that they can allow this "blessing" (I too feel this way about my DID) to come into our lives! Such a supportive woman which also makes me wonder....