Thanks Lost and Sannah. I feel overwhelmed and I have these moments where I cannot take it anymore. I asked my h for something he really could have given me. When he said he didnt want to I felt awful. No matter what else is going on, my h can trigger such painful feelings in me. I dont even know what those feelings are or where they come from. Childhood...or whatever....he can bring up feelings of self-hate for me. Im overwhelmed with other things, but I have been handling it without cutting, but when my h acts like this, I get overwhelmed with some kind of un-named feeling. I dont even know what it is. Maybe that is why I do it- I dont want to look at what the feeling is. I just want it to go away and be off somewhere else in my head. Its too painful to even try without cutting.