Treehouse - What you said about your mom so rings true for me:
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T and I talked some today about the fact that when I was little, if my mom had a moment when she wanted to take care of me, I would NOT let her. Because I couldn't let down my guard...if I let her in, she would turn around and hurt me for SURE. It was easier to not expect or want anything.
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It's weird because I remember when I was little and my mom would "apologize" with a hug, I would stiffen up. I didn't want to be hugged and I still don't! Although I am getting better at giving and receiving hugs, it's still hard. For me, I recently realized that if you love somebody then you've automatically given them power over you. Maybe that's just another way of saying you're vulnerable ...
I think you're doing great; just the fact that you could talk about this with your T. You have a lot of self-awareness and I trust you will figure it out.