I think I know what you're talking about... the world really is a horrible place in so many ways. And people act like it's this golden city of dreams, and that life is wonderful and the normal state of being is happiness. But it's not.

I think maybe you have to find a way to be able to live in this cruel world and find some happiness in it. You don't have to be happy about the job, or even ok with it. Try to find little things you're happy with.

Find something you feel you're good at. I think you don't feel you're worthy of a lot of things... from what you said in your last reply. Maybe your expectations are too high, maybe you're comparing yourself against something that's unfair.

Wish I could say something to make the pain go away, please try to be safe