white_iris,
Thank you once again for your wise words.

FedEx picked up the bat today--he was stronger than I expected and wrestled it out of my hands.

I'm a bit raw right now, but that is all right. Sometimes when we get rid of the garbage in our sacks, it burns yet again. I wasn't aware that I was putting back old stuff into a bag and carrying it around...hard to look up when you are weighed down by it.
And, yeah I admit to feeling defeated. It was a surprise when I realized I wasn't subbing for Mother Teresa.
I reverted back to John Wayne Syndrome. The slipping into it was remarkably easy; getting out of it took a helluva lot of hurt.
Without the help of loving people, I would still be in that terrible place. Hindsight shows me that I felt that I had to hide it...
What a lesson!

Thank you for reminding me of my own advice!
I've given myself another permission...taking an inventory of what happened to me. I'm not obsessing over everything that was going on...I'm trying to let it be ok ,ok that it happened and, no I don't have to define myself by it.

My hand is in yours, w_i. It's not with white knuckles, though.
Gratitude for it is there for me. I strayed off my path and you are keeping me company while I find mine...a new one/different one.
Other hands are also being offered, so I'll hold each of them.
Call it selfish but I'll take ahold of everyone of them.

In Peace


In Peace