I made it through the night last night without cutting! I called a friend of mine and at first he didnt answer but then he called back and let me talk vent which helped alot. He stayed on the phone with me for a good hour and a half. I wish I had more friends like that.

Now for excuses: Oh there's many. One biggie is I can't afford to go to a therapist at the local psych clinic because even with insurance its $45 a session which as a student struggling just to pay rent....really isn't possible. So I could go to the school counselors, which I've tried. I went to two different ones already both who didn't really help me the way I needed...so I stopped going. Maybe I didn't give them enough chance, but I didn't feel a connection with them and when I told them about my cutting they asked if I was suicidal and just made assumptions that upset me.

There is a different counselor I could try. I made an appointment with her last week but then I had a bad night and couldnt get up in time for the appointment. I should reschedule, but I feel bad for missing the first one. See, I tend to avoid most people that I think I may upset or disgruntle. But it doesn't help me...how do you change? I know I need help I am trying to reach out for it from friends but they don't see it or they just dont care...so maybe it is time to find someone who will care.