Melba

I totally get what you are saying. And yes, T has seen and accepted the dark parts of me and of my story. He is truly the only person in the world who knows the things that have been done to me, and the things I've done..and the feelings I have...and he still accepts me. In some ways, it feels like his love "counts" more than anyone else's because of that. It does feel good when he gives me a hug, or tells me he cares about me...I don't feel like he's placating me, really. But it just bounces off of me. I can't figure out how to believe in it, or let it in. It sounds so ridiculous, but I just can't do it.

It seems like maybe I'm in the middle of a very very slow process. It takes me a LONG time to absorb the things T says and the questions he asks and my response to the questions. It took me 2 years to be able to recognize and verbalize this feeling of unworth that I have. Maybe things are changing, but slowly??

Ack, I don't know.