Blue moon,

Thank you, I'm trying to get some of this out in therapy but it really is difficult. I guess I'm learning a little at a time to let some out.

As far as graduation, I do have a couple of siblings who I will invite. I love them, just don't see them much anymore since our mom's death. The family dynamics have really changed since then, my mom always planned everything as far as get togethers, now we don't do that much. They all have children, so I know they are really busy with life. Maybe thats what makes me feel alone in a sense.I am not married, nor do I have children so when I lost my mom it was huge for me. They miss her a ton too but I think it was easier for them because they have their own family, if that makes sense.

Dreamseeker,
The memory stuff is really interesting. Some of the things that came back, it's as if they happened yesterday. I could completely remember the surroundings ect. Other memories are the start of something but they doesn't finish, sort of clips of things in which I was feeling very uncomfortable. And of course some memories that were always there since I was a child. The mind is an interesting thing, thats all I can say.

I am glad you are sharing things you are recalling as well. I never asked my T if she thought they were true or not. I have questioned the memories that I have never forgotten since childhood, they too are the start of something bad about to happen but then I can't remember what happens, there are only some with complete detail. Perhaps some were just to painful so I blocked them out.

Crystal Rose,
Yeah my T is really kind and sensitive when I share these things. I still don't know how to tell her what I need or would like when she asks though. Maybe one of these days. Thanks for your suggestion of maybe asking her to attend my graduation. Not sure if that would violate some boundary but one day if I get the nerve I may just hint around to it. Of course, I'd be pretty nervous about asking at the thought of hearing no, and then feeling stupid for asking . We shall see!

Treehouse,
Thank you, guess I was glad that I let some out, can't say I'm proud of myself just yet but I am getting better at allowing myself to be somewhat vulnerable. I think my T helps with that some.

In Session, my T asked if there was anything I wanted her to coax me with, because sometimes I will email her and say I need to talk about this but will need some coaxing. Anyways, I said no. Then I said to my T, is there anything you want to ask me, or have been wanting to ask me lol.....She said nope! Honestly, she could ask me anything she wants and I would do my best to be completely honest with her.

Sunrise,
Thanks It is really interesting how some memories come back. It definately has really only happened since I started sharing things. Ini fact thats when I started to have nightmares again as well. For years, I barely ever remembered dreaming. I do believe my unconscious, (or is that subconscious) has a lot to do with holding some of these memories. I don't worry so much about remembering things, if they come they come, but I do fear what may surface sometimes. It's good that you had a good T who helped you process yours as well. Sometimes it can be scary.

Thanks about graduation as well.....new page but a little frightening lol....

Dreamseeker,
It's totally fine, I don't mind you hijacking at all !! I find myself hijacking people's posts as well! Sometimes someone says something and things just flow

Coconut,
I don't have very many memories before the age of 10 either, only a few really bad ones. I can barely remember a good one before that time. Some of the ones that have surfaced were of course before age 10.

I also attributed my mind to protecting me in such a way. If it didn't where would we be today.....I'm thankful it did what it had to. Now it's doing what it wants lol....ok maybe I am just becoming more accepting of things. Scary thought....... Especially because I have a huge need to be in control.....

Thank you all again for your kind words and shared experiences